The Human Heart

The human heart: is it good; is it bad? How does God see it? How do I see it? 

Last night before I went to bed, my heart was heavy. Weighing it down were the many things that have haunted me over the past year that left my heart unsettled. These feelings ranged from feelings of inadequacy of failing as a father to not finding freedom in my finances to moving into a major relationship that had the potential to move into marriage and abruptly ending.  I sit back as I reflect on the choices and decisions that I have made over the years, and I can't help but firmly believe that God does love me and his mercy is never ending. However, it doesn't always feel that way…many times it doesn't at all. The schemes of the evil one can block and blind us from the truth and reality of God's love and favor. It is our own sin that blocks us from seeing that truth that sets us free, like covering a window with a blanket, so that the light cannot come in or out. That has been my life over this last year: hiding, running and sitting in fear and not trusting in the Lord...not allowing my light to shine. 

 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven" (Matt 5:14-16NIV). 

Was my pain and suffering a result of my heart being broken and sinful? Or was it that I lacked the will and desire to step into faith and trust God would bring me through? The older I get, the more I see how much God wants to bless his people, and the more I see that even in myself turning away from it and suffering because of my own sinful choices.  Understanding this complex dilemma of my sinful nature and my spirit seems to be where this lies.  Paul talks about this in Romans chapter 8:5-8 NIV:  

"Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God." (vs-5-8)

Is it the heart that loses hope and stays in the discouragement of circumstances that seems utterly hopeless? Paul makes it pretty clear here, we must live by the spirit; and if we don't, we will lose hope resulting in death. I found myself in a place where my heart was being broken by the relationship with my daughter that was falling apart and feeling like I was losing her. My heart came to a place where I needed to let her go; in my mind I was devastated because I could not trust that the Lord would redeem my relationship with her at the appointed time. 

It felt like my father’s heart was cut out of my chest leaving a nasty, messy, ugly hole of failure. That I was not good enough as a man, a father, a son...nothing about myself I liked. I lacked purpose and hope, and the enemy seized that opportunity to lie to me. I had flooding thoughts of suicide often thinking, what if it could all just end today? 

I didn't see any light at all amid the post-operation... How could I move on? And then, in a relationship that had the potential to lead to marriage, it just ended. That relationship had no chance to survive or flourish in the midst of my brokenness. My heart needed healing and only found in Him. My message today is that we have to walk in the spirit no matter what our situation or feeling may say. The only way we can walk into the blessing and will of God is to be obedient and faithful to His Word.